Not Impossible, No

For some reason I can hear Mona Golabek,
the host of the Romantic Hours reading this
poem outloud. I hope I haven't unconsciously
plagiarized it, or at least the refrain.

If so my apologies to the poet, but what
can you expect when you capture another's
feelings so intimately.

IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE

It is not impossible;
It is possible
To fall in love with
Someone incapable of
Returning your love.

It is not impossible;
It is possible
For your love to
Grow despite her never
Returning your love.


It is not impossible;
It is possible
You will suffer and
Suffer intensely and
Learn then surely that

It is not impossible;
It is possible
To love and suffer
Without her, yes, without
Her ever knowing.

It is not impossible,
No, not impossible at all;
It is possible
After all, to love, and
Have your love grow
And yet remain alone.

It is not impossible,
No, not impossible at all;
It is possible, quite possible.

-

When the World Was Round

Rachel, when I come across something like this,
you're the only one I want to share it with.
So many times I wish I could share something
which has touched me - with you, only with you. 
I am so alone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsT8ZLvAPh4&feature=related

You win some, you lose some
You only got two shots, so you take one
(what have you done)

'Cause everybody lies 'n' we're stuck in the middle
I think I liked it better when the world was round
There's too much information but not enough to go on
I think I liked it better when the world was round
And I don't think we deserve this
No I don't think we deserve this
I think I liked it better when the world was round

I love you so much, Rachel, will you ever know?

---

Rachel's Gaze

Oh how I miss the way
You used to listen to me.
You listened with your eyes,
In patience glistening brighter,
The quieter you grew.

Has anyone told you, your eyes
Shine more brightly when someone
Reaches the intelligence in you?

So unpretentious the line
Of your thought, and yet
No one comprehends as
Effortlessly as you how
Incomprehensible is beauty.

You were the only one
Who ever measured with
Your attention, how shallow
Were my words compared
To the depth of their source.

You forgave my shallow words,
Though you were alert and noticed,
And you always kept listening
As if I were worth hearing.

No one else listens to me
The same way.

Life Forgives

For the longest time I thought this song
was "Life forgives," and then I realized
Joey Ramone wrote it when he knew he
was going to die.

This is better than any other version
I can find on utbube in my druncken
state. Please play it now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm4df-lnWzU&feature=related

"So don't be sad, Rachel, don't be sad at all."

And please forgive me, Rachel, forgive me
I never would embarass you with my love if
I could help it. I only
spilled all this out on these pages, because I was
scared otherwise it would come out in some
other ultimately hurtful way rather than here where
no one, even you probably, will ever see it.

loss, silence

All That Is Lost

My best boy chum, Hurt, is working on something
you might call concrete poetry, or you might call
conceptual art, but I kind of want to steal it for
tonight, just the words, not the color and impact.

Of course in the end, Rachel,
all that is lost
is
you.

If he doesn't like it, I'll take it down. Consider
this just a pale, pale preview:


ALL THAT IS LOST

all that is lost
all that is
- - - - __lost
all that is
------------l
-------------o
--------------s
----------------
------------------s

The Silent Island

I live on a silent island.

Oh, there are birds singing lovely melodies,
The sound of the water can be soothing,
But there are no human voices answering.

There is a noisy lei of islands nearby
With a beautiful but crabby neighbor,
But she has lost the capacity of
Human speech and speaks to our children
In sound strings neither they nor I understand.

My ears are full of noises
But my island is silent, because
No answer to my words ever comes.

Luckily my island is full of bottles,
And every day or so, I fill one
With a message and toss it into the water,
Hoping it will reach someone,
Someone who will take the time to read it.

Though I hope for no return in my silence.

Love In the Balance

I have felt there was a balance
In the world, necessary, yes,
Between pleasant and unpleasant,
Pleasurable and unpleasurable,
Life and death, joy and pain,
Comfort and rest.

When lucky in love
We should be grateful
To the miserable
Who make our love possible;
When unlucky,
We should feel useful
And know the happiness of the happy
Is built on our essential
Loneliness.

So without you, I hope
To live in the gratitude
Of Happy Lovers!
__________

Forgive me, Rachel

Forgive me, Rachel,
I thought I could live without you,
And perhaps I could live without you,
But how can I live
Without your smile,
without your infectious laugh,
so sudden and merry;
And how can I live
Without your waiting eyes,
Or without your hands,
so elegant, so carelessly perfect.

Without these things,
Can I live?
How can I live?
How can I live without you?
I do not know.


--

I Hear Music Up Above

I know I loved you too much
I'll go alone to get through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLG9ERQOdBw



---------------

Is Friendship Possible?

... I should refuse (to think of) you.

The cracked bells and washed-out horns
Blow into my face with scorn,
But it's not that way,
I wasn't born to lose you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhOc0V-ES40

----

The Quiet Space

I was trapped by the quiet space
In which we looked at each other.

The moment tempted me to speak,

And:
If I said too much, I said.
Well,
you've said a lot, you said.

You went away, and I thought you
Might never come back.
When you came back,

we never Spoke again in such a quiet space.

And then you went away again,
And now I live within a different quiet.
-----

April's Fool

I am the April Fool,
Hoping still
You will say,
Come hear me sing,
Listen to me sing.

But I suspect you never will,
And like a magic trick
By Phil Goldstein's daughter,
You will disappear.

Must I say goodbye?
I should say goodbye, Rachel,
But I may be - forgive me - unable.


-----------

Rachel, After What I've Learned

Rachel, after what I've learned
I love you more than ever,
Though it feels as if time's running out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYJjHCZN46U

Rachel, I Saw the Picture

Rachel, I saw the picture of you
and it was painful to look at.

For your hand is posed so elegantly,
it breaks my heart into painful pieces
which float inside, wounding and wounding.

Yes, I am preparing to forget you;
I even think I can forget your luminous eyes
Which so often surprised me with waiting,
But how can I forget the perfect elegance
Of your hand thoughtlessly posed.

---------------------------------

April's Song

I've always understood the poet who loved Italian
When he spoke of the cruelty of the spring,
And it seems he is finally right,
The coming April will be the cruelest yet
When your mind glances over my name
And chooses to forget.

Yes, I am preparing to forget you,
When April proves as cruel
As the resistance I found in you
Proved fascinating to me.

Oh, Rachel, call me back with a song.

A Little Mean

Okay, Rachel, this link's a little mean
but it does catch how almost anything
can make me think of you. I'm hoping
you'll laugh at the part about "reading
a book."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PXiRzBZ_Ig&feature=related

Preparation

I was all prepared to remember you,
To keep your images, your eyes,
Which again and again surprised me,
On the front pages of my book
Of memory, and think of you often,
And come to your concerts and perhaps
Even share coffee now and then.
I didn't pretend, these moments
Would mean as much to you as me,
Or that I could be your Richard Bonynge,
But I thought at least you'd enjoy
Having me at the edges of your life
Wishing you well, oh what the hell,
I won't go where I'm not wanted.
And I fear, no I see clear,
The moment is coming when I can't deny
That you don't care if I know
Whether you live or die.

Whatever may come, whatever may come,
You won't want it to be me - particularly.

And since I not only offered you everything,
I offered you anything you wanted from me,
I'll respect your indifference and try
To give you what you haven't asked:

I am preparing to forget you.

ALREADY

I can feel it closing in,
Inevitably now, no,
Not the losing of you,
No, that can't happen.

Some thing's that happen once
Just can't happen again.

I can feel it closer now,
Too painful by far, no
Not the losing of you,
No, it's not the losing

But the admitting to myself
There is nothing to lose.

And When the Time Comes to Say Goodbye

And when the time comes to say goodbye,
Will you even know I've left?
These memories and thoughts of you
Make me feel alive, but these, these
Precious movements of mind
May grow too clear and painful
In the silence

I can feel coming towards me.