Rachel, After What I've Learned

Rachel, after what I've learned
I love you more than ever,
Though it feels as if time's running out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYJjHCZN46U

Rachel, I Saw the Picture

Rachel, I saw the picture of you
and it was painful to look at.

For your hand is posed so elegantly,
it breaks my heart into painful pieces
which float inside, wounding and wounding.

Yes, I am preparing to forget you;
I even think I can forget your luminous eyes
Which so often surprised me with waiting,
But how can I forget the perfect elegance
Of your hand thoughtlessly posed.

---------------------------------

April's Song

I've always understood the poet who loved Italian
When he spoke of the cruelty of the spring,
And it seems he is finally right,
The coming April will be the cruelest yet
When your mind glances over my name
And chooses to forget.

Yes, I am preparing to forget you,
When April proves as cruel
As the resistance I found in you
Proved fascinating to me.

Oh, Rachel, call me back with a song.

A Little Mean

Okay, Rachel, this link's a little mean
but it does catch how almost anything
can make me think of you. I'm hoping
you'll laugh at the part about "reading
a book."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PXiRzBZ_Ig&feature=related

Preparation

I was all prepared to remember you,
To keep your images, your eyes,
Which again and again surprised me,
On the front pages of my book
Of memory, and think of you often,
And come to your concerts and perhaps
Even share coffee now and then.
I didn't pretend, these moments
Would mean as much to you as me,
Or that I could be your Richard Bonynge,
But I thought at least you'd enjoy
Having me at the edges of your life
Wishing you well, oh what the hell,
I won't go where I'm not wanted.
And I fear, no I see clear,
The moment is coming when I can't deny
That you don't care if I know
Whether you live or die.

Whatever may come, whatever may come,
You won't want it to be me - particularly.

And since I not only offered you everything,
I offered you anything you wanted from me,
I'll respect your indifference and try
To give you what you haven't asked:

I am preparing to forget you.

ALREADY

I can feel it closing in,
Inevitably now, no,
Not the losing of you,
No, that can't happen.

Some thing's that happen once
Just can't happen again.

I can feel it closer now,
Too painful by far, no
Not the losing of you,
No, it's not the losing

But the admitting to myself
There is nothing to lose.

And When the Time Comes to Say Goodbye

And when the time comes to say goodbye,
Will you even know I've left?
These memories and thoughts of you
Make me feel alive, but these, these
Precious movements of mind
May grow too clear and painful
In the silence

I can feel coming towards me.

I Asked Myself a Question

This made me think of you.
Why not listen, Rachel, while you
read, Oh You Who Are Not Reading This:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9cGMoN0DnQ


I asked myself a question.
I asked, "Am I still in love with Rachel?"
And before I could finish and listen,
My heart was swallowing
All the oxygen in my blood;
And there was a rushing vacuum
Inside me; but it wasn't enough;
All my insides weren't enough,
And my heart grew lightheaded
And dizzy and began to vibrate
And was in no shape
To answer any more questions.

Rachel of Chicago

How is it you haunt me,
And yet you're still alive?

Chicago, Rachel,
Knowing you're still here - somewhere -
Has never been more alive,
Though I never see you.

The truth is the streets of Chicago
Are more alive than ever,
With pain;
And the most painful truth is this:

She of the luminous eyes
Does not love you.

Thoughts In The Rain

Having to Laugh on Getting Caught In A
Chilling Rain and Realizing You, While
Always Sympathetic, Wouldn't Really Care

It's time to start forgetting you,
But I'm not sure it's something I can do.
It might be far easier, you see,
If you hadn't already forgotten me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlP2KjswmL0