At Least

At least I never told you I loved you,
So neither one of us need be embarrassed
If a stray thought of me should
Stumble into your unguarded mind.

THANKSGIVING

A year makes quite a difference. Last year on Thanksgiving, when Leah's Mom asked me whether you were going to get married, I said I didn't know, stopped breathing and had to excuse myself. (Leah's Mom wasn't always cool about Leah's & my deal, so I didn't want to give her any ammunition.)

But here it is, nearly midnight on Thanksgiving - a year later - and I'm thinking of you, wishing I could have any sort of relationship with you, any at all, and yet I'm breathing fine even though you're more gone than ever.

If time has not eased the pain of my hopeless love for you, at least it has strengthened my heart in dealing with it. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't you with another which was such a blow to me, it was you being so lost to me. But this Thanksgiving, I'm marvelling at how chance brought us together - just close enough for me to lose my heart to you, and yet just far enough apart that I could never come any closer.

And this, for the ardent lover (and what else am I, even if undeclared) is the exact most painful distance she can live from her beloved. I know you can come no closer, still I pray you'll go no farther away.